Mortality

My little girl turned 7 yesterday. We had an ice cream cake and a friend of hers over - it was a lot of fun. In the middle of it, I thought, "You made it to 7! Yay!" Because, of course, her older brother didn't.

My Uncle Ron, who has prostate cancer, is in bad shape. He and his wife Cassie live in Crawford, NE. My parents moved there to be closer to them; he's my mom's brother. Since I was in college, I've viewed Ron and Cassie as another set of parents, and they've viewed me and my siblings as their kids. When we saw him in November, he was thin but doing okay. Now, he's lost 40 pounds, Cassie tells me. And he's in a lot of pain. So he's in the hospital, waiting for the results of an MRI. The fear is that the cancer has spread to his brain.

Thinking back to my pastor, Bob Scholz, who died of a brain tumor, I realize that my uncle has some of the same symptoms he had. Memory issues, mostly.

So I don't know. It could also be an infection. The MRI and CT scans will let us know more info.

My sister flew out there this morning. I just don't feel I can go. I spoke with both Ron and Cass yesterday, and will continue to call them. My husband Rick will be out of town (in sunny San Diego - the Coronado, no less!) starting Monday, so I would have to take Julia with me, and I just can't see having her see someone else die. David at least looked and acted fairly normal right up until he died. And he was home. And she was only 3, so really pretty unaware of what was going on. It's very different for a 7 year old. And to go to a hospital - I don't know.

Julia's birthday party is tomorrow - 12 girls beading mobiles - and Aunt Julie will not be there. I told J that Aunt Julie was going to visit Uncle Ron because he was sick and in the hospital. She nodded. Then a few minutes later she asked, "Why can't Aunt Julie come to my party?" I said, "Because, frankly, she thinks Uncle Ron is going to die, and if she doesn't go now, she won't be able to see him again." Julia asked, "Is he going to die?" I said, "I don't know, honey. We're trying to figure out what's wrong with him."

That's the best I can do right now.

I heard from a friend of mine that her boss's daughter has a malignant brain tumor. I of course sent lots of advice, including the thought that just because we had an unhappy ending doesn't mean they will.

When I told Rick and Julie, Julie gasped. And I said, "We're going to hear more of this kind of thing than other people, because of who we are and what we've gone through."

And I am honored to hear from people dealing with cancer. Anything I can do to help navigate these shoals, that's what I want to do.

Cancer, cancer, cancer. It sucks.